My wife is blaming me for ruining her birthday.

That's ridiculous, I didn't even know it was her birthday.

My wife told me she'll slam my head into the keyboard if I don't get off the computer.

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day.

More Dad Jokes for Adults

I asked my wife if I was the only one she'd ever been with.

She said yes, all the others were nines and tens.

Why did the coffee file a police report?

It got mugged.

My boss told me to have a good day.

So I went home.