25+ Dad Jokes for Adults That'll Make You Groan

I asked my wife if I was the only one she'd ever been with.

Why did the coffee file a police report?

My boss told me to have a good day.

Why don't some couples go to the gym?

My wife told me to stop impersonating a flamingo.

I told my therapist about my fear of backstories.

My doctor said I need to cut back on sodium.

I got fired from the calendar factory.

Why do accountants make good lovers?

I'm so good at sleeping.

My wife says I have two faults.

What's the difference between a poorly dressed man on a tricycle and a well-dressed man on a bicycle?

I told my wife she should embrace her mistakes.

Why do programmers prefer dark mode?

My wife accused me of being immature.

I recently started investing in stocks.

What did the lawyer say to the other lawyer?

I finally found out why my car was making that whining noise.

My wife asked me to pass her the lipstick, but I accidentally passed her the glue stick.

Why do retired people smile all the time?

I used to think I was indecisive.

My wife blocked me on all social media.

A man walks into a library and asks for books about paranoia.

I spent $100 on a belt that didn't fit.

My wife and I laugh about how competitive we are.

My wife said she wanted to feel special on Valentine's Day.

My wife told me I was average.

I asked the waiter if the fish was fresh.

My wife says I only have two faults.

I told my wife I wanted to be cremated.

My dentist told me I need a crown.

I got a universal remote for my birthday.

My wife said she needed more space.

Why don't scientists ever trust elevators?

My friend said he didn't understand cloning.

I accidentally swallowed some Scrabble tiles.

My wife and I were happy for twenty years.

I'm writing a book about reverse psychology.

My wife keeps saying our house is haunted.

I told my wife I was going to make a bike out of spaghetti.

My wife asked me to go get something that makes her look sexy.

I told my psychiatrist everyone hates me.

I used to think the brain was the most important organ.

My wife told me she'll slam my head into the keyboard if I don't get off the computer.

My wife is blaming me for ruining her birthday.

I went to buy some camouflage trousers the other day.

My doctor told me I'm going deaf.

A man told his doctor he broke his arm in two places.

I have a joke about procrastination.

My wife asked me if I was listening to her.

I couldn't figure out how the seatbelt worked.

My friend keeps saying 'cheer up, it could be worse, you could be stuck underground in a hole full of water.'

I was addicted to soap once.

What do you call a man who can't stand?

I bought the world's worst thesaurus yesterday.

My wife said I need to be more affectionate.

I went to a seafood disco last week.

My wife texted me a heart emoji.

I'm reading a horror story in Braille.

My wife asked me what I was doing on the computer.

Two windmills are standing in a field. One asks the other what kind of music it likes.

I told my wife she was drawing her eyebrows too low.

A man walks into a bar with a roll of tarmac under his arm.

My wife left me because I'm insecure.

I asked the IT guy, 'How do you make a Motherboard?'

I can't believe I got fired from the calendar factory.

My wife walked in on me while I was getting dressed after a shower.

The rotation of the earth really makes my day.

I asked my North Korean friend how his day was going.

I failed my driving test today.

I have a great joke about nepotism.

My wife wanted to go somewhere expensive for our anniversary.

A man tells his doctor, 'Doc, help me. I'm addicted to Twitter!'

My boss asked me why I only get sick on work days.

I told my financial advisor I was feeling insecure.

My wife told me she wanted something that goes from 0 to 200 in seconds.