I told my psychiatrist everyone hates me.
He said I was being ridiculous. Everyone hasn't met me yet.
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My wife asked me to go get something that makes her look sexy.
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More Dad Jokes for Adults
I asked my wife if I was the only one she'd ever been with.
She said yes, all the others were nines and tens.
Why did the coffee file a police report?
It got mugged.
My boss told me to have a good day.
So I went home.