What did the egg say to the boiling water?

It might take me a while to get hard; I just got laid by a chick.

My wife just found out I replaced our bed with a trampoline.

What did the left nut say to the right nut?

More Dirty Dad Jokes

What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?

One's a Goodyear. The other's a great year.

What did the toaster say to the slice of bread?

I want you inside me.

What goes in hard and dry and comes out soft and wet?

Chewing gum.