What do you get when you jingle Santa's balls?

A white Christmas.

My wife said that if I don't get off the computer she's going to slam my head on the keyboard.

What's the difference between a boyfriend and a husband?

More Dirty Dad Jokes

What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?

One's a Goodyear. The other's a great year.

What did the toaster say to the slice of bread?

I want you inside me.

What goes in hard and dry and comes out soft and wet?

Chewing gum.