My wife texted me "I'm leaving you."

Then she texted, "Sorry, wrong chat." I'm still not sure which message was worse.

What's the difference between a light bulb and a pregnant woman?

What do you call a man who's had too many drinks on Valentine's Day?

More Dirty Dad Jokes

What's the difference between a tire and 365 used condoms?

One's a Goodyear. The other's a great year.

What did the toaster say to the slice of bread?

I want you inside me.

What goes in hard and dry and comes out soft and wet?

Chewing gum.